Q) What is your candidates stand on abortion? Will it/he/she merely outlaw human life itself and thus end the issue?
A) The Great Cthulhu cares little for mortal affairs and mortal politics. However, as a presidential candidate, it must take a stand. Cthulhu is, therefore, pro-choice because it cares little for what you do. However, it’s in favor of keeping humans alive, so that it can taunt and toy with them before they go insane and it eats them.
Q) What is the canidate’s position on campaign finances?
A) Cthulhu accepts any donation which a citizen wishes to make. It doesn’t oppose contributions from organizations, conglomerates, or conspiracies. In fact, it accepts any and all types of financial assistance or other donations. Preferably, large quantities of currency will be sent along with human brains, other donated organs, or your first born.
Q)We were wondering what great Cthulhu’s stance was on foreign policy/ foreign aid?
A) The Great Cthulhu views our foreign neighbors as equals to the United States. It encourages trade in all forms, including slave trade, child trafficking, and it will continue to give Primary Trading Partner status to the country which sells the most children worldwide. Cthulhu will provide support to those countries which do not commit any of the following acts:
* Population control. The more humans alive, the more for it to toy with, drive insane, or puree.
* Genocide: See above.
* Captial Punishment: See above.
Q)What would the Great Leader’s position be on the U.S. Military? Would we see a shift away from cooperative multi-lateralism with the United Nations? How does the Great Leader feel about nuclear weapons?
A) Our future leader would ban a standing U.S. Military. Cthulhu does not feel that humans should have the privilege of killing other humans, it reserves that right to itself.
The Great Cthulhu’s solution to the United Nations will be to eat all current U.N. delegates. It will then build the U.U.N. (Unilateral United Nations)
Our Great Leader is greatly opposed to nuclear weapons in the possession of others, because the melting of human flesh, and mass destruction, are not mortal rights.
Q) What is Great Cthulhu’s position on obvious cult fronts (such as Microsoft, Lego and most gaming companies); will he/she/it treat them as previous administrations have? (i.e. pretend they don’t exist or support them/crack down on them) Also and more important will he treat all cultists equally, or give his particular thrill kill cultists preference leaving (for example) shub-niggurath disciples such as Clarence Thomas and Bob Packwood out in the cold?
A) Good question. Within the first 100 days of its reign, the Great Cthulhu pledges to destroy the following cults:
* Disney.
* Mass Media.
* Yuppies.
* Kentucky Fried Chicken.
* People who use the phrase “information superhighway”.
Cthulhu cultists will be given the following priveleges:
* They will die last.
Q) What solution does your candidate have for the problem of massive overspending by the government on the poor and elderly. Does he have a way to free up this money for other important projects, like going to mars or building big guns.
A) The Great Cthulhu’s solution to massive overspending by the government on the weak, will be to go right to the heart of the problem, by destroying the elderly, poor, and clinically insane. It does not need a big gun, and Mars will be eaten immediately following Earth’s demise.
Q)My roommate, being a conscientious citizen of the US, would like to know who wil l The Illustrious One’s running mate be. And how will he solve the national deb t. I’ve told him, debt will no longer be a concern for his merely mortal mind t o ponder. Now, my concern, as a citizen of a foriegn country, how will Cthulhu rule my country as well. Please see to it that It is given more money for bombs and other implements of destruction. Will Cthulhu use psychic powers to drive u s all mad, or must a study be made of this?
As of yet, the almighty Cthulhu has not chosen a running mate. If you feel you know a good candidate, or perhaps you’ve eaten one lately, please submit your candidate suggestions to: runningmate AT cthulhu DOT org
As stated above, Cthulhu will treat all countries in the same manner as it treats the United States. No study will be needed, since to merely gaze upon it is insanity itself.
Q) What is the candidates stand on welfare? I think all of the bums should be eaten by mister cthulhu.
A) You are wise. You will be eaten second to last.
Q)How will Cthulhu deal with a strongly bipartisan Congress? How does Cthulhu plan to deal with the budget deficit? Has Cthulhu yet chosen a running mate? If so, who is it, and from whence did it come? Given that the candidate is now dead and dreaming in the Pacific, what measures will be taken to speed its awakening should it be elected president?
A) Cthulhu will have no problem dealing with Congress, as they will be the first to be eaten. The budget deficit will shrink drastically once Cthulhu cuts unnecessary spendings like Defense, Welfare and Social Security. Mass support of Cthulhu will raise the its awareness of the need to take control of our suffering country, and should lead to its return. The Great Cthulhu will awaken in time to take its presidential oath.